ilikethewayyourhandfitsinmine:

It’s so fun being a single mum when you have no kids and you’re still a virgin

pizza-vs-taco:

a moment of silence for all the food we’ve dropped

celeryandhummus:

our kids will probably attend a middle school dance where the theme is the 2010’s

they’ll wear leggings with ugg boots and twerk to “call me maybe”